This is me?

6 Apr

I’m sitting her thinking(ruminating) about what my life is? I’m constantly thinking, I need to blog, I need to blog!! I started this Blog to help others with mental illness and myself. Tomorrow will be my 30 something birthday( no need for Happy Birthdays, that’s not why I’m sharing). I hate my birthday!! I always have! Not having the best childhood coupled with a few real lousy birthdays, has really ruined it for me. My kids are more excited than I am! It’s pretty sad. I told my husband exactly what I wanted to do for my birthday this year. I am just sick and tired of being disappointed. I have no problem speaking up or defending myself, but my birthday is tricky. So, this is actually new for me. I usually just go with the flow and let my husband take care of things. So I think I had a huge breakthrough! The first of many over the last couple of weeks! However this feeling of winning one for the team would slip as the weekend neared(it always does). But I am trying to stay up beat! Right now what is working for me is a lot of positive self talk and mindful breathing. It’s not always easy, but I am trying to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one second at a time. No one said it would be easy, but unfortunately it just isn’t. I hate it as much as the next person, but we have to work even harder at life. Everything becomes a chore and people just don’t understand. Sometimes we feel it’s just best not to say anything at all. So, tonight I will go to bed with the hopes of tomorrow being a great day!!

xo

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